Techniques, Ideas & Days Out
Technical Info & Equipment
Meeting for the first time
also read Sex
Here are a few rules and guidelines for a safe first meeting. They may sound
totally paranoid to you, but hey, better safe than sorry !
I recommend to make the first meeting will be a purely social one, i.e.
no sex. However, everything here can be adapted to a sexual encounter with very
Talk to the person on the phone before meeting.
Sounds obvious ?... Well, for my sake, just do it. A voice can help you in
better evaluating the person you will be meeting. Also, if you were planning
on meeting a lovely woman, and the person on the phone has a sexy baritone
voice- well, you know what I mean...
Meet for the first time in a public place. Period.
Try meeting in a group. If possible, include in
that group at least one person you already know and trust.
Make sure someone you trust knows of your plans-
whom are you meeting, where and when. Leave with that person all means of
communication - your own cellular phone number or pager, the phone number
and address of the place where you will be and the name, phone number and
even address of the person you will be meeting.
Fix with that same person an hour in which you
will call him, to let him know everything is alright. Fix a codeword which
means "there is a problem", in case you will not be able to talk
freely. Should you fail to call at the scheduled time, or if you use the
codeword, that person will be able to call for help.
Let the person you are meeting KNOW that you are
supposed to call someone, sometime. You don't have to tell him when... but
it is enough that it is knows someone is expecting to hear from you during
If, during the meeting, you are leaving the place
where you met- excuse yourself, call your contact person and let him know of
Do not- I repeat, do NOT- go to desolate/isolated
areas, private apartments etc. Stay very PUBLIC on the first meetings !
Make sure you have the means to return to your
home on your own. Do not depend on your date, friends or any other person.
Make sure you have a way to be contacted or
contact someone else~ a cell phone, change for a payphone etc.
Make sure you have a way to be contacted or
contact someone else, a cell phone, change for a payphone etc.
If the person you are meeting refuses to meet in
public, to let you make a phone call in private or tries to make you come to
a desolate place with him despite your refusal- do NOT trust him ! Leave
!... A person who has no ill intention, has nothing to fear from these.
Reducing Your Risk Further
Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) is a popular and easily accessible "date rape
drug" in the United States. It is known by several street names: Roachies,
La Roche, Rope, Rib, Roche, Rophies, Roofies, Ruffies, Mexican valium, or the
"forget (me) pill." Rohypnol is especially dangerous because it is
inexpensive; a tablet may cost $1 to $5. This makes it popular in high schools,
college campuses, clubs, bars, and at private parties.
Rohypnol became (in)famous because it can cause memory "blackouts,"
periods of memory loss that follow ingestion of the drug with alcohol. Victims
who have been raped with Rohypnol have reported waking up in strange rooms, with
or without clothing, sometimes with a used condom on the bed, occasionally with
bruises on their body... but they have no memory of the previous night.
Never leave your drink unattended. If you have to
go to the bathroom, either finish your drink or throw it away. · Beverages
that come in sealed containers (unopened cans or bottles) are much safer
than mixed drinks.
If you order a mixed drink, watch the person who
Do not take any open beverages, including alcohol,
from someone you do not know very well and trust. · Never drink anything
out of a common punch bowl.
If someone offers to buy you a drink, go up to the
bar with them to accept the drink.
Subscribe to the "buddy system": always
party with one or more friends, and keep an eye on each other. If someone
begins to appear "too drunk," get them to a safe place. More than
one attempted Rohypnol rape has been prevented by watchful friend.
When playing the first time, the following
guidelines should prove helpful and will go a long way to protect you.
Again, make sure several people
have the address and phone number of where you will be playing. Set up times
to check in.
Let the person you are playing with
know this safety net is in place.
Negotiate exactly what will happen
before the actual play date. First time play is no time for surprises.
Let each other know any health or
emotional issues that could impact play.
Have a safe word in place.
Preferably a few words so that play can just be slowed as opposed to stopped
altogether. Even if you don't like safe words, they're important to first
time partners who don't really know each other yet.
Be aware of safeguards for
preventions of diseases. *USE* that condom.. or rubber gloves.. or whatever
is necessary. It only takes once to spoil your future. There is not only
AIDS to be wary of, nor is it only an act of sexual nature that poses
potential risks. Improperly cleaned "toys" used in other sessions,
with other Dom/Domme's.... or submissives, are also a hazard that's often
overlooked. I prefer to not "share" a toy that's been used on
another.( I read of this in a D/s newsgroup and said to myself, "Duhhhh...
so obvious, why did I not think of that before!?".) Sometimes the
obvious things are the easiest to overlook in the excitement of preparing to
meet a new partner.
Try to keep the first session a
short one. Remember you are learning each other's body language and facial
expressions for the first time. Also realize that your sub is *not* going to
be able to take gracefully everything that went so smoothly on IRC. Pain
*hurts* . Take the time to start slowly, keeping an eye always on what's
voiced as well as what the body is telling you.
Stick to what was originally
negotiated. This one is a biggie... because its so easy to get carried
away... everything feels so delicious. Their body might be screaming for a
break, while vocally they are pleading for more. Especially if this is one
of the first sessions either partner has done Real.
Remember no one "knows it all". Be open to gain knowledge from any
source that comes your way. This list of guidelines can't cover it all and will
be linked to other's insights on safety and other related D/s issues. If you
have something to suggest to add to it, be it something we overlooked or a
website dealing with D/s and safety.. feel free to drop a note to the