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LONG-TERM BONDAGE
PART
THREE
Lessons Learned
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I felt, the next day,
somehow changed for the better. I felt more at ease and calmer in my
soul. A month later some of
Photo
2
Friday, Sept. 2;
6:34PM
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these effects remain. I got to thinking about the experience and debating
whether to share it or not. I prepared a diary form which Chris used a little
and he took many photos. I decided to write a story and offer to share it with
The Institute, having considered this possibility previous to the experience.
In retrospect it seems that
the straitjacket was inevitable. I have read (common) accounts about
the calming effect that straitjackets seem
to have on disturbed mental patients, which attribute that effect to the
patient hugging him/herself, and that this act of hugging is somehow
reminiscent of mothers’ love. Well, I don’t know about any of that.
Those accounts were written, I suppose, by the straitjacket-er, rather than the
straitjacket-ee. I now know that, sooner or later, the straitjacket wins.
The straitjacket has a calming effect because it’s inevitable. I
surrendered to it simply as a practical solution to a situation I could not
change. It took a few days but I felt surrender was appropriate to the
situation.
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Photo
3
Friday, Sept. 2;
9:49PM
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In retrospect I think I understand now: on
a real level this was a situation or a circumstance which demanded a response,
some sort of a response. Unlike some situations that can be shrugged
off, this one as so powerful that some sort of a response was inevitable. I am
thinking now of how disconnected I felt at first, and how in time I came to
first accept my reality on some level, finally surrendering (to it.) There was
no other response that was appropriate or possible.
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Even though it was by
choice, I ended up helplessly bound, unable to see, unable to move around on
my own, unable to feed myself, even having to piss my diaper as if I was a
baby. These circumstances, this situation demanded some sort of
response, yet there was no response available to me other than a psychic one.
And the only psychic one appropriate to the situation was surrender. In
effect, the straitjacket won. I could have struggled more violently, and
might have indulged that option were it not for sore shoulders, but the
outcome would have been the same. Indeed, perhaps the surrender would
have come sooner had I struggled more. No matter, in the end the
straitjacket is inevitable and surrender becomes the best coping strategy.
I learned that long-term bondage is
possible using a straitjacket, providing the straitjacket fits well. We found
that the arms could be bound tightly to my trunk without pain, providing the
jacket was fitting well about the shoulders. Helpless bondage is also possible
if the person in control uses a little planning. Chris could keep me helpless
by managing my condition, taking care not to allow me the possibility to take
back control over my actions. Before he removed one bond another was already in
place.
We both learned that
during bondage a distinction can be made between tight and secure. For
some methods secure implies tight, but with the straitjacket buckles fastened
securely and using locking belts and institutional cuffs, secure does not
require tightness. I imagine some folks might even want to be kept in
some degree of pain for hours at a time, but not I. For bondage to last
days at a time it was necessary to keep things bearable. I have been
designing, on paper, in my imagination, the perfect straitjacket for long-term
use. Max CITA and No Escape make straitjackets that encase the arms.
Max has internal lower sleeves, covering the forearm. I would like to
have full sleeves, internal to the jacket. I am thinking, at this point,
that my perfect jacket would use Humane Restraint L400 locking buckles on all
its straps. These straps need to be made of nylon, and use a buckle
which holds using three teeth, which is locked by fitting the buckle together
with pressure. Or perhaps use a tie-back, by itself, or together with a
locking zipper. It’s an evolving design, as I said.
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I asked Chris afterwards
what he considered the most effective controls. He considered the
straitjacket and eye patches to be most effective. I have to agree.
The strength of the eye patches as a bondage device is worth noting again.
I could not see what Chris was doing to me, and I could not see what he had
done. The very state of
Photo 7
Sunday, Sept 4;
2:41PM
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visionless induced
helplessness. Even were I allowed to roam I would have hesitated at every
step. I noticed, however, that over time my sense of hearing provided better
information. It’s not so much that my hearing improved, rather that I better
learned to interpret the information I was receiving. I began to guess
correctly what Chris was doing to me. This did not compensate for the lack of
vision, however. Chris has repeated that the eye patches were what made his job
easiest. He says them made me docile and that he could do as he pleased with
me. He got this advantage due to the fact that by the time I had figured out
what he was doing to me, it was always too late. And even when I did struggle,
I had was no match for him as he could see what I was doing, an advantage that
was his alone.
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I have given a bit more
thought to the occasion where I felt that strong sense of surrender, sitting
on the edge of the bed. I find it noteworthy that it came when I was
bound in a way that permitted me some movement, yet drew me up sharply at the
end of the leash. I could try to stand, but could not. I could try
to move down the bed, but couldn’t. And when I tried moving my ankles I
could not at all. These frequent reminders, every time I was brought up
short. most likely precipitated the feeling of surrender. I was told
sharply, and frequently, that I couldn’t stand up, or rise from the bed, or
even move my feet. I learned that I was helpless, without doubt, and
surrender was my response.
I learned something about
collars, too. I had previously thought of a collar as sort of a bondage
gimmick, rather more symbolic than effective. I have changed that
thinking. The collar was very effective: it controlled one extremity of
my body. Wearing it as part of the Psycho provided some cushioning,
allowing me to “test” it more strongly. There is an intimidating aspect,
too, in that a collar can choke, or even kill, and I couldn’t forget that.
For this reason a bed strap was always used across my thighs when in bed.
This would prevent me from rolling out of bed or from falling from bed during
a struggle: this strap was worn in addition to ankle cuffs strapped to the end
of the bed. I could have moved towards the edge of the bed, but falling
from the bed, or getting up from it, wasn’t possible. In the chair, too,
the collar was used to eliminate options of movement. I was wrong, I
must admit, the collar is not a gimmick. It’s very effective when
secure.
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Photo 9
Sunday, Sept. 4; 2:41PM
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There are some issues from this
experience,
though. I was troubled by not being able to defecate, for instance.
A laxative would help with this, however, or even an enema. While on the
(subject of the) toilet, it’s worth noting that all business can easily be
done while wearing the two crotch straps, Chris always made sure they were
tucked out of the way. A jacket with only one strap would not allow
this, it bears mentioning. At the end of the experience I stank and felt
rather filthy. I needed a shave, too. This is appropriate, and for
bondage terms longer than four days either one could either live with the
smell, or derive a scheme for bathing while helplessly bound.
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For whatever reason, after
eating I would always sweat. This was uncomfortable. I was off my
food, too, not eating as well or much, nor particularly enjoying it. I
wasn’t hungry, and after four days I wasn’t malnourished, I don’t think.
Perhaps more time moving around would help for both the constipation and the
lack of appetite. It stands to reason that as the psyche slows down the
body will follow.
Two or three times I
started to lose heart and was tempted to ask to be released. Chris is
not a dedicated bondage master, and might have released me. He says he
would not have. Having somebody who won’t release you means that you’re
not getting out, end of that story! Perhaps had it not been within the
realm of possibility I would not have given more than a moments thought to
this.
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These is a sexual aspect to
this that needs mentioning. At one time I could not even think about
being tied up
Photo
17
Monday, Sept. 5;
8:00PM
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without getting very horny, or get horny without thinking about being tied up.
When I would tie myself up and masturbate, or after sexual release, I had to
gain release from my bonds, too, the sooner the better. For this reason I
hesitated to try to gain sexual release during this experience. Nevertheless on
the morning of third day I brought myself to orgasm by rubbing against the bed.
I was curious about how I would handle my anticipated need to be free of my
bonds. I had no real problem with that, it was rather obvious I wasn’t going
anywhere. Once again I found it easy to adapt to my situation and accept it for
what it was.
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Our planning paid off.
Chris admits that his job was easy, as it was supposed to be. I was kept
helpless the entire time, and save for one lapse that I failed to exploit, I
was hopeless to change my situation. We had achieved the goal. It
was the planning, forethought, tactics and strategy that allowed for this easy
success. I recommend careful and thorough planning for all such new
endeavours.
I expected to feel a sense of surrender – I
had felt it during the three day experience. What I had not anticipated was the
depth of my surrender. I had no idea how helpless I would feel, or how
disoriented and confused I would become. I didn’t expect I would find this
relaxing, either. And I had no idea that I would come out of it a better,
happier person with an undeniable feeling of bliss. Bliss what not something I
had any idea I would experience, and it was a very pleasant surprise.
Would I do it again? When do we start?
Yes, I would, and I would like to go a week next time. Chris would do it
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Photo
11
Sunday,
Sept. 4; 4:48PM |
again,
too, and next time will do it better. I’d like to try that jacket with the
internal sleeves I’ve been thinking about. I’d use the eye patches again and
the Posey Clean Cuffs, too. I recommend these cuffs to any bondage fanatic;
they’re strong, versatile, and comfortable. I bought some of the Humane
Restraint-brand synthetic fleece liners to use with them, and it’s a good
combination. I could have been a better victim. I struggled some, but more
feedback for my captor would have helped him and provided some gratification for
a job well-done. I tried to coach too much, and deserved to be gagged for it.
I’ll make a point of telling Chris this, he’d be happy to gag me (I’ve since
told him, and he would indeed be happy to gag me.)
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Photo 16
Monday, Sept. 5;
7:44PM
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I want a stronger
experience, I suppose, with less choice and even less control. Shutting
me up would help, but
effectively the best way to provide this feeling is by increasing the duration
of the experience. We decided on a period of four days because we, especially
I, figured that any less than three would be something that could simply be
waited out. I thought that three days would be the start of a real bondage
experience, and that the fourth day would actually be “true” bondage. Please
understand the sense I’m trying to describe here. The goal was to feel both
helpless and hopeless about it. That would take time, I supposed. I had no
idea how accurate that assessment would be, but those estimations proved rather
accurate. It wasn’t the fourth day but the third that provided the strongest
feelings of helplessness. The fourth day found me adopting a strategy of
waiting. I think that a few more days on top of that would further the
experience, deepening the surrender.
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I am curious, too, about
the effects of being in that state for, say, 5 days, then being permitted some
movement or freedom to watch TV, say, or move around some, still wearing the
straitjacket and cuffs, and then being returned to a state of hopeless
helplessness for a few days. I guess that this would heighten the
experience greatly. I guess that the sense of bondage would become an
accepted reality by that time, using this technique. The psyche would
adjust to it.
If you have
any questions you’d like answered please write to me via the lower address. If you’ve read this far, thank you for your
time and attention. I hope I have been worthy of it. Take care. Stay safe and
secure, PD.
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Photo
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Friday, Sept. 2;
6:34PM
Photo
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Friday, Sept. 2;
9:49PM
Photo 7
Sunday, Sept 4;
2:41PM
Photo 9
Sunday, Sept. 4; 2:41PM
Photo
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Monday, Sept. 5;
8:00PM
Photo 16
Monday, Sept. 5;
7:44PM