Whatever you do when you write to us, now and forever, don’t use the name of the enema equipment company Barde ? Shhhhh I'm sure you know who. Why? Their lawyers have had a go at us like the trademark-thieving dog that we are.

What I want is that job at Bardex HQ where a legal brain is spending all day reading through enema porn, just to ensure that no struggling writer is using that trademark in vain. Apparently, if we use the word Barde? in an unflattering context again, those lawyers would come down on us like a ton of Barde? enemas, saying “Use of our client’s trademark to identify enema equipment in erotic fiction is likely to cause confusion”